Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
