one two three fourrrrnication!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
