the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Watching her eat just hurts me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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