My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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