Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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