Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
