My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
