i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You are a genius and a whore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
