is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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