Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
