A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
