i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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