it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize