dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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