Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
