You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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