...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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