either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
