my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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