its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
