Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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