Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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