Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
