i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
