Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
"it" just moved
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
