It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
