Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
