I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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