I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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