I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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