Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
