She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
