I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
