he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
