I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
