he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
