You made me cry and you don't even care
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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