She said her name was "party"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
