I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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