If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got inside last night via doggy door
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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