I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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