drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
