I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
