Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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