before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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