He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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