One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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