Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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