Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
