You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
