Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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