Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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