I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize