I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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