why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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