Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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