You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Only a mothe r could love this liver
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
