If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
