I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
