even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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