He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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